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Katanya, Tentang Hati

Rasanya sudah lima jam ia bergelut dengan pikirannya sendiri. Kali ini, bukan tentang kopi apa yang harus dipesan untuk melalui hari. Bukan pula soal sarapan apa besok pagi. Malam ini, ia pun bingung dengan pergelutan yang sedang terjadi. Katanya, tentang hati.

Memang, belakangan ini, ia suka asik sendiri. Terkadang, kesal sendiri. Beberapa kali, ia terlihat sedih sendiri. Sepertinya, kali ini benar tentang hati. Tempo hari, aku sempat bertanya padanya, bagaimana rasanya yang kali ini?

Ia tidak banyak bicara, hanya tersenyum mendengar pertanyaan itu. Mungkin, dalam pikirannya, ia sedang mengingat bagaimana ia diperlakukan. Bagaimana ia mengeluarkan sosok 'perempuan' lebih dari biasanya saat sedang bersama. Bagaimana ia bisa menonaktifkan pikirannya dan tetap yakin akan baik-baik saja, selama bersamanya. Setelah jeda yang cukup panjang itu, ia membuka suara, "dibanding perasaan yang menggebu-gebu dan apa yang orang-orang sebut dengan butterflies, kali ini, rasanya... tenang."

Lalu, aku bertanya lagi, kalau memang rasanya tenang, mengapa pergelutan pikiran malam ini begitu intens?

Ia menghela napas, panjang dan berat.

Kami terlampau serupa, tanpa tahu apa dapat berakhir bersama. Telanjur dalam, tanpa sadar ini dapat berakhir kelam. Kepalang memupuk perasaan, walaupun sadar kami dapat berujung saling melepaskan.

02/02/2026

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